What Happened?

A SHORT STORY WRITTEN BY A. NICOLE MORTON

“Hold on, back up. Why did you get fired?”
“Well, the boss said being ‘intoxicated on the job’ required ‘more serious action’ than a reprimand.”
“Intoxicated? As in drunk? How were you even drunk at work? Why were you drunk at work?”
“I was really stressed out, okay.”
“You shelve books at the library.”
“Ugh, no. I wasn’t stressed about my job. I was just sickened by my lunch break.”
“Your lunch break drove you to drink at work?”
“What? No! You’re not listening.”
“I’m trying to.”
“Okay. Okay, so I went to grab a bite with Laura, Ben, and Grant, and I had the steak.”
“Was this steak made of tequila?”
“No. Why would a steak be made of tequila. That’s just stupid.”
“I’m just trying to figure out how a steak lunch got you intoxicated.”
“You’re not listening…”
“I really am.”
“My food didn’t get me drunk, you silly. The flute of brandy got me drunk. Well, the third flute was probably the one that did it.”
“What? Why on God’s green earth were you drinking brandy on your lunch break? And why did you have three of them?
“Three and a half actually. I dropped the last one and it shattered all over the floor. Oops. Heh heh. Those things are quite fragile.”
“How did this even happen?”
“Well, Grant ordered wine with his lunch and I said to him, I said, ‘You shouldn’t drink that right now because we’re going back to work after this.’ Then Laura and Ben started laughing while Laura points at me and says, she says, ‘Check out the square.’ And you know, you know I can’t back down from a challenge like that. So I ordered a drink too so they wouldn’t think I was so uppity.”
“Square? Who even calls people squares anymore?”
“Well, no one, as it turns out. It wasn’t until after I finished my first drink that I found out Laura was talking about a weirdly painted tile on the wall behind me. It was just a design of ovals and circles, but it totally looked like a Roswell alien. Take me to your leader. Hehe.”
“So then why did you keep drinking after that?”
“Because. I was having fun. But you know what? I think that Laura put Grant up to ordering that wine, and then calling me a square…”
“You said she didn’t actually call you a square.”
“Yeah, but that’s just it. That was her plan all along. She was trying to entrap me, so I would get fired. She’s always wanted my job, you know.”
“Your job shelving library books?”
“Yes. That’s the one, and now that I’ve been canned, it’s wide open for her to just swoop in and take it. She’s totally evil. This is all her fault!”
“Uh-huh. Well, I think right now you just need to drink some water and sleep this brandy drunk off. Things will be more clear when you wake up. I have to run, so I’m going to hang up the phone now.”
“Okay mom, but just one more thing?”
“Yes, love?”
“Can I borrow some money? I’m kind of between jobs right now.”

© 2018 A. Nicole Morton